A Story of Parenting & Happiness

I’ve been feeling pretty scattered lately. I think it’s because it’s been 3 weeks since I had quality alone time, and somehow in that time, taking care of myself slipped to the bottom of my priority list, again.

Yes, I know it’s important. At least in theory: taking care of myself will benefit everyone around me, and not doing so will hurt the same people I love. But when things get busy, as they always do, something has to give.

I yelled at Ryan today. At the top of my lungs, I asked, “What do you need from me?? What do you want?”

No matter what I did, the boy just kept crying, at the top of his lungs. And by raising my voice I made it even worse. I just lost it. Lost in the noise of my own mind, blinded by frustration. Anger overcame my better judgment.

The look of horror on Ryan’s face is now imprinted on my memory, and I silently whispered a prayer that it isn’t imprinted on his.

When I picked him up, heavy tears rolled down his tiny face. And with the momentum of lifting him up, a few large drops landed on the edge of my mouth. They tasted salty, and at that instant, I felt a pang of sharp pain shooting through my body – pain from the sad realization that I had caused those tears.

I felt like a horrible parent. I felt like a horrible person. After Jeremy came home from work, I told him about it, and the look of disappointment on his face caused me to feel like I needed to be locked away in a dark room and have the keys be thrown away.

It was a pretty rough day. I felt defeated.

Jeremy said, – perhaps taking pity in me – that things like this happen all the time (to other people). I want to believe him, but I’m not sure. I think it’s me. I think I have anger/patience issues that I need to address and overcome.

From where I’m standing, every other parent seems to have it together. I see many new mothers who have the whole parenting thing together – they are not only patient, and make their own baby food, but also manage to take their babies to early education classes, bake for their family, and keep a perfectly organized household.

And then I look at myself: a baby-food-buying “horrible” parent who looses her temper. And our home is so messy that it looks like it’s been hit by a level 4 tornado.

It’s so easy to pick on ourselves when we are feeling bad.

Perhaps, Jeremy is right, that behind the closed door of every household, we aren’t as together as we let the world believe – an idealistic image of perfection and ever-flowing happiness. And only in the privacy of our own mind, do we silently hope that others won’t find out – that we’re not as perfect or happy as the pictures of our smiling faces portray.

I sighed, and thought, “motherhood is hard.”

And then I heard a voice in my heart say, “So what? That’s life! No one said it was gonna be an easy ride? You are creating the horrible experience by your thoughts and by your lack of awareness. You can change this!”

Yes! Yes, I can! I can’t change the situation, but I can change, through consistent practice, my reaction to things. You know how the saying goes: you can’t change the wind, but you can adjust the sail. I love that!
Through my own observation, I realized that no matter how beautiful you are, or how wealthy you are, or how successful you are, we all have one thing (of many) in common, and that is, we all have problems (relationship, stress and insecurities are the most common ones I’ve seen.).

My point is we should stop blaming our problems on a lack of something we think we should have (ie. beauty, money, smarts, etc.). Encountering problems is inherent to being human, and part of having the human experience.

The underlying story may be different, but we all have our unique challenges, and we either learn from them and move on, or get stuck and allow the pain to sting a little.

That’s what life is – a constant unfolding of events and challenges that defines our experiences. How we choose to perceive these experiences is up to us. How we choose to welcome or resist the challenges is also up to us.

We, essentially, shape our future, by the decisions we make right now. Regardless of what happened in the past moment, regardless of the ‘mistakes’ we’ve made, the future is always fresh, and the power lies in the Now – where we get to decide how we will direct the path of our future.

Regret and self-pity will only keep us stuck in the past. And only we have the power, to keep ourselves stuck in the unhappiness of our problems.

After Ryan went to bed for the night, Jeremy and I talked about our options, and drilled into why it happened. The results were fruitful and plenty.

And if you’re curious, my biggest take away from that conversation is that I am trying to do too much when watching my son. I am dividing my attention between trying to be productive with house chores and my businesses, and fulfilling the needs of a very active (and very curious) 10 month old.

It just doesn’t work, and it is a conflict. A young child is sensitive enough to pick up on the energy that he doesn’t have your full attention, and will do what it takes to get your attention. At this tender age, it is important that he feels engaged, talked to, played with, read to, and not ignored – because mommy is busy with something else.

Jeremy also reminded me of how lucky we are that I have the option to stay at home and witness our little baby grow into a boy. And that this period of demanding infancy is short lived, and once it’s over, we’ll look back regretting that we didn’t appreciate how beautiful and sacred this period was.

With tears welling up in my eyes, I agreed. We are so lucky to have such a healthy and happy baby boy. And yes, I do take things for granted, and I appreciate the reminder for giving gratitude for the countless blessings in my life.

Next time I feel anger, or find myself at the tip of frustration, before loosing my cool I will do 3 things:
Close my eyes and take a deep breath.

Give gratitude that I have such a healthy and precious baby boy.

Dwell on his innocence. Meditate on his cuteness and purity. Connect with him. In other words, being mindful around him, and appreciating the beautiful moments we have in the Now.

Most importantly, I vow to never yell at him again. I vow to change. I want to change. I want to be a better person… to be a better mom… to become a better role model for my little man.

If he is someone who I would easily give my life for, then I sure as heck can change to become a better person for him. My behavior and reactions to the external are a matter of habits, and a habit can be changed. It’s a matter of decision and commitment.

Today, I’ve decided to change. Today, I am committed to becoming a more patient and dedicated parent.
Along the way, I know I will make mistakes. And when I do, I will be kind to myself. I will accept myself for who I am right now, and know that I am on a pathway of awakening, riding through the challenges and overcoming emotional habits that are not conducive to the wellbeing of my family – who mean the world to me.

This morning (5 days later), while feeding Ryan his breakfast of yogurt and breast milk, in his playful mumbling, I vaguely heard “mama” snuggled in between the “baba” sounds. In that moment, time froze, and I felt as though my heart skipped a beat.

“Ahh, This is what happiness is all about. The simple moments where miracles happen that change you forever.”, I thought.

I wanted to laugh, I wanted to cry. I think I did both.

Article source : http://thinksimplenow.com/happiness/story-of-parenting/

10 Ways to Go from Good to Great

“No problem can withstand the assault of sustained thinking.” — Voltaire

I see good people go from good to great all the time.  It’s not magic.  It’s passion, purpose, and action.

They find their path, they have a purpose, and if they get knocked down, they get up again.  They keep asking better and better questions that get them closer to their goals and they continue to find the people and resources that support them on their journey.  They turn resistance into growth and they fully immerse themselves in the experience.

I’ve boiled down the pattern I see into 10 keys.

10 Ways to Go from Good to Great
These are the 10 ways I see people go from good to great:

1. Find your compelling “why.” Find your one thing. Become a dream machine, turn your dreams loose, and envision the end in mind. Your “why” is your drive and you find your “why” by answering the question, “Why do you do what you do?”  To find your compelling, find the answer that connects with your passion and plucks at your heart strings.  That’s the power of purpose in action and it’s what crusades are made of.  Launch your own crusade.
2. Become a force of one.  Get out of your own way and stack yourself for success by channeling your thinking, feeling, and doing.  Think the thoughts that serve you, feel the feelings that empower you, and do what you know needs to be done.  Disciplined thinking combined with disciplined action is an unstoppable force, and it’s yours for the asking.
3. Model the best. The best do it with models.  They find the best examples of what they want to accomplish, and they learn from them.  You can find role models or success stories or case studies and work backwards from there.  Success always leaves clues and you can play detective.
4. Give your best where you have your best to give. This is you unleashed.  The best play to their strengths.  They spend more time doing the things that make them strong, and less time doing the things that make them weak.  This builds energy and momentum and instead of getting drained, you get charged and you grow where you can grow best.
5. Find your best arena.  Don’t be a fish out of water.  Find your element.  Going from good to great means finding where you can play your best game.  Maybe you’re a mediocre developer, but a great Program Manager.  Maybe you’re an OK doctor, but an incredible actor.  Take your skills to the job or place where they make the most impact.
6. Execute.  Taking action is how you make things happen.  Throw massive action at whatever you need to do.  Even if it seems like you’re only taking baby steps at a time, you’ll eventually hit your stride.  When you keep taking action, you learn faster.  Each result teaches you another way how to do something, or how not to do something.  Sometimes, the only way to get past some problems is to overwhelm them with action.  To paraphrase Voltaire, I would argue no problem can withstand the assault of sustained action.
7. Stick with it.  If you fall down six times, stand up seven.  Remember The Little Engine That Could?  Well, whenever you think you can’t, you’re working against yourself.  It starts with belief.  Think you can, then prove yourself right.   Find your eye of the tiger.
8. Learn and respond.  The best take action, learn, and respond.  They are always failing forward.  NLP teaches us that there is no failure, only feedback.  The great ones use the feedback to improve their approach.  They stay adaptable while they are finding their way forward.  Be your won best coach, not your own best critic.
9. Let it go.  The best let it go and move on.  They don’t carry baggage.  They focus on the objectives and they measure against effectiveness.  Either their approach is working or it’s not.  If it’s not working, they let it go, and find a new way forward.
10. Team up.  The best of the best team up with people that amplify their impact.  They also team up with people that provide more deliberate feedback and that help them find their blind spots and get unstuck.

Putting it all together, you can stack the deck in your favor by playing to your strengths, living your values, and finding the best arena for your greatest results.

Article source by : http://sourcesofinsight.com/articles/

5 Questions To Ask Yourself If You Want To Get UnStuck

If you are working on your emotional issues on your own (limiting beliefs or negative thoughts) and want to find an easy way to move forward, questions are great way to do it.

Asking yourself specific coaching style questions will help you to think outside of the box and see your inner blocks from different angles, rather than the blinkered view that we become accustomed to as we get ‘stuck’ in a rut.

Do you have a BIG goal?

If you want to achieve a specific goal, for example starting your own business or moving to a new city or country, asking these questions will also help you to get clarity on why you want to achieve the goal, what your life will be like after you achieve the goal and what are the hidden inner blocks that are stopping you from reaching the goal – your limiting beliefs and past emotional trauma.

Try these 5 questions for starters….

1)       What would have to change to make your life perfect?

To get you started, this question is the basis of everything that YOU feel is currently wrong with your life.  So everything that you list in this answer needs to be dealt with carefully.   Is it a limiting belief (I am not confident enough/I don’t have enough money) OR is it something that you want to change such as your job or a specific relationship?  

All of these things can be addressed by using EFT or Visualisation techniques to change how you feel about them – OR you can make it part of your goal to change it (for example get a new job or start your own business).  This is the time to decide what is a limiting belief and what is a true goal.

2)       What are you tolerating/putting up with?

Following on from question 1, this is an interesting question because it will bring up some of the areas in your life where you are ‘settling’.   Address anything that comes up with the usual techniques (journaling, EFT, Visualisations etc).

3)       What would you try now if you knew you could not fail?

This SHOULD bring up your true goals, your life’s purpose or the thing that is most important to you but that you are terrified to try in case you fail.   Once you have put a voice to your goal, it is easier to work on the hidden blocks that are standing in your way of achieving it.

4)       Who should you be hanging out with – so that achieving this goal becomes natural (ie. who’s already doing it?)

So now we have some clarity about your goals, and some ideas of the hidden blocks that are stopping you from achieving them, we are now moving on to the motivational questions, the things that will really move you forward towards them.  It should be obvious why this question has been included and yet this step is so often overlooked.  But lets get real here – you are never going to achieve a goal of becoming a world class surfer if the only people you ever hang out with are sitting on the sofa watching TV!   The same goes for ANY type of goal. 

Find the people who are already doing what you want to do and ‘hang out’ with them, either in real life, at events or even online.  You can get great insights from people just by being on their mailing list or on their Twitter/Facebook.   If they make videos, you can also subscribe to their YouTube account.

5)       What will happen (what is the cost) of you NOT doing anything about this?

Quite often when it comes to moving forward and taking a leap towards our goal we are worried what will happen when we act (we fear failure or just embarrassing ourselves) but this question is a great one for helping our subconscious mind to realise that there is a cost to NOT acting on our dreams.  If we do nothing, we achieve nothing so what is the real cost of you not taking action and moving towards your goal?

What do you think?  Do you use a journal?  Have you tried asking these type of questions when Journalling or even just asking yourself the question last thing at night before you go to bed. This can be a great way to get in touch with your subconscious mind and it will throw back an answer at you the next day or a couple of days later (usually when you have stopped thinking about it).

I would love to hear your comments or feedback on this.  Also, if you are struggling to erase your past emotional trauma and would like some help, please get in touch, I would love to help you.

Article source : http://www.healingthatfeeling.com/5-questions-to-ask-yourself-if-you-want-to-get-unstuck

Self Help Tips That Will Make A Difference In Your Life

Do you want to live a more fulfilling life? Read this article for some tips on personal development.

Use your work time efficiently. One simple solution is to go on more breaks while you work. While this may sound odd, taking frequent breaks gives you time to relax and re-energize, so when you return to your work, you are more productive.

Put your core principles into practice. Your individual core beliefs are what support your sense of self. Use your faith in these principles to drive your faith in yourself. Best of all, following your beliefs encourages consistency, and this is a much desired character trait.

Accept your limitations before engaging in personal development. If you acknowledge you are tiny and unimportant in the world, it will cause you to realize the lack of knowledge you have. Once this idea gets instilled in your mind, you will want to know, understand and learn new things, therefore, improving yourself.

Create a personal development plan by determining what your personal values are. You will not be happy or motivated if your plan goes against what you believe in. Instead, work on aspects of your life you want to improve that mesh well with your individual beliefs. By spending your time in these specific areas, you can make the changes in the areas that matter and have these changes stick with you.

Don't think physical activity is only for when you want to lose a few pounds. There are a variety of great reasons to exercise. Exercising stimulates your body to produce all kinds of chemicals that ultimately result in a happier, calmer you.

It is impossible for you to properly care for the ones you love, unless you take care of yourself first. No matter how much progress you have made in your personal development, always make resting and restoring yourself a top priority.

Try talking to the pastor at your church, or a therapist; it can help. These people have lots of training and experience with this sort of thing. They are able to look into your life from the outside and analyze things you can't see. By speaking with a professional about your problems, you can lead a much healthier and enjoyable life.

Make sure you treat all people with respect, no matter who they are, how powerful they are or what benefits you can obtain from them. How you treat them reveals more about your own character, than it reveals about theirs.

If you suffer from anxiety, consider heading to a movie with a friend. You will be thrust into a busy setting and out of your comfort zone, but you will not have to excessively socialize with others. This will give you the chance to get acquainted with the idea of being around more people.

Focus on the things that you have determined are most important to you. Personal development involves focusing on the important things in life while allowing negativity and unimportant matters to drift past.

This article demonstrates that creating a newer, better life is a goal that is well within your reach. Remember all the advantages and happiness you are bringing yourself through these changes.

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